*Originally posted on my artist blog 5.18.22

I took a deep breath and responded, “It’s okay. Everything is unfolding exactly as it will. Things are breaking and it’s hard, but things have to break to create something better. It’s uncomfortable, but the future is truly unknowable and full of possibility. More and more people are seeing that things aren’t working. And as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, ‘The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.’” 

This very calm and genuine response, as my partner informs me about the leaked Supreme Court documents’ intention to overthrow Roe vs Wade is quite surprising to both of us. My partner knows my emotional sensitivities. He knows my history with depression and anxiety, and knows that it’s helpful to ease me into heavy news because it can spiral me into some pretty dark places. “It’s just so frustrating. People don’t understand! This won’t stop abortion, it just makes them less safe. Women will die because of this! They don’t know what they are actually doing,” My partner adds. He’s justifiably upset.

“That’s the point.” I reply, “They view any hindrance of others as progress for themselves. They want women to be afraid and suffer. It ‘keeps people in their place’, and undermines the advancement of women–especially those of lower socioeconomic status and women of color.”

He hasn’t seen the first-hand hate that I have. ‘Women, Get your coat hangers ready!’ A savage meme posted by a ‘good Christian’ man on Facebook reminding everyone ‘They deserve to die painfully if they want to kill their babies.’ Hate is easiest when you dehumanize your perceived enemy.

Yet, I’m not angry. I’m not sad. And I’m not spiraling. Old-me would have been livid, nearly yelling in frustration, not at my partner, but just at the world. My calm isn’t an indication that I don’t care. I’m annoyingly hardcore about women’s reproductive rights. Like,—oof. When the topic comes up, I have to actively repress an impassioned 10 min pro-choice rant, reiterating the injustices women face, and then recounting the insults of the creepy old men who would hatefully yell at me when I used to escort at an abortion clinic.

But my heart rate doesn’t increase. I’m surprised by news of the leak, but not that surprised. The lingering fear that hate, misinformation, and self-righteousness would eventually sanctimonious strip away women’s healthcare rights has been confirmed.

Therefore, my nearly optimistic response was not something that either of us would have expected from me. But I’m different now. 2021 broke me. And a better, more whole me grew out of my immense grief over humanity. Through my loss of faith in people, I found a deep love, faith, and acceptance of self (that is a longer, messier story for another post). Me-now knows my innate value and purpose. My personal awareness has expanded to rest in the infinite possibilities and phenomenal beauty of humanity’s amazing interconnectedness. I’m different now, and at peace with the realization that everything just is.

The potential loss of Roe vs. Wade isn’t breaking me, because it already broke me. I have accepted that I live in a world where people in power fear women. When power structures feel threatened they act desperately. And they should feel threatened, because in so many ways love, empathy, and acceptance are gaining ground. Oppression is a tool of fear. I don’t live in fear anymore, because I’d already accepted this as a possibility. Overturning Roe vs. Wade is an egregious affront against humans capable of conception, it’s a women’s health issue, and a human rights issue. But maybe this is part of a larger breaking. Maybe this is a breaking point for others to face the depth of their fears, and rise up, empowered, strong, and aligned with compassion. If you are feeling angry, frustrated, sad, disheartened your feelings are valid. Your emotional response to these huge societal and cultural shifts are valid.

But this is where we have always been. We–as humanity, just continue to stumble forward through time victims of cause and effect, as we’ve always been since we came into existence.  And we’ve always feared ‘others’. Portions of humanity have always feared and demonized women. We are in the midst of a culture war fed by fear, political power grabs and late-stage capitalism. We are breaking apart and it’s scary, but inevitable. As a nation, as a society, as a civilization, as a planet, our seams are ripping, but these seams are holding together outdated systems. We can’t go back. As individuals continue to grow into their personal authenticity through empathy and self-acceptance, they’ll continue to discover the freedom of expanded awareness.

Some people have committed wholeheartedly (even if to their own detriment) to a white, cis-male, patriarchal, heteronormative narrative–and it’s losing power. This fact is terrifying when you’ve bought-in so completely. Therefore, you cling to division. You restrict health options for women, you remove or avoid history that is incongruous with the narrative that best serves you, you limit vocabulary for medical professionals and educators to discuss race, gender, and sexuality—but that doesn’t change reality. More and more people have a gay uncle, a sister who is trans, a college friend who had an abortion, a kind neighbor who is Muslim. Society is becoming more and more inclusive and accepting. We’re learning to embrace our own humanity as individuals and as a whole. Tension inevitably builds, conflicts arise. You can take our rights. But we will take them back. It might take a year or a decade, but I’m not angry, I’m motivated.

Because I know, eventually–love inevitably wins–because it can’t not win. To the core of my sense of self I know ‘The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.’ So, I am doing my best to meet each day and each challenge as it comes—which is all we can ever really do. Meet the present moment as it endlessly unfolds.