Despite my anxiety, I was lost in the joy of the picturesque simplicity of water, sunshine, and my darling dog. I listened to the leaves rustle and the soft trickle of the river. I couldn’t help but smile as my dog happily frolicked down the trail. I found myself wishing I could find these serene moments more often…

I was 34. I almost died. And I had nothing to show for it, except this weird haunting lingering sensation of–you almost died. And, are you doing this–humaning, life, existing right? How close do we come to death at any moment, and not even know? It’s for the best that we don’t know. We don’t need extra anxiety about the ultimately unknowable unfolding of time…

I think I’m bisexual. I know what you’re likely asking, and yes, a person should probably know that, right? Sexual orientation generally isn’t vague. It’s something you intrinsically know about yourself, but I don’t really know, at least not from full on experience. I can tell you what I do know. I’ve been attracted to women. I’ve been attracted to men. I’ve dated men. I’ve slept with men. I’ve married (and divorced) a man. My current partner is a man…

The trick is approaching self care as any intentional act of self nurturing. You have to be actively engaged and present, in fact–you are the only consistent requirement for your self-care. Everything else is fluff. Fun fluff. Pretty fluff. Or pretentious overly priced fluff. But it’s all superfluous.

This very calm and genuine response, as my partner informs me about the leaked Supreme Court documents’ intention to overthrow Roe vs Wade is quite surprising to both of us. He knows my history with depression and anxiety, and knows that it’s helpful to ease me into heavy news because it can spiral me into some pretty dark places. “It’s just so frustrating. People don’t understand! This won’t stop abortion, it just makes them less safe. Women will die because of this! They don’t know what why are doing,” He adds.